Saturday, March 14, 2009

Deprivation

If you're nerdy (which I am) and fairly observant of the date (which I'm not, but this is an exception), then you're aware that today is 3/14, a.k.a. Pi Day. To most observers of this particular holiday, it is a joyous occasion, full of digit recitation and consumption of circular desserts. In Taiwan, however, Pi Day is bittersweet, for although nothing can take away the endless digits of our favorite irrational number, the accompanying comestible is sadly quite scarce.

In America, we cherish our rights. The Right to Bear Arms, the Right to a Fair Trial, the Right to Remain Silent, and of course, the Right to Have Pie Whenever We Want. In New Jersey, we are proud to uphold this right through a multitude of 24-hour diners, dedicated to providing pie at all hours to citizens in need. In Taiwan, there are no 24-hour diners, and those of us not privileged enough to have an oven (only Western diplomats get ovens) or at least a Costco membership have sadly limited options for pie acquisition. T.G.I. Friday's and That Other Western Place That Somebody Told Me Has Pie But I Haven't Been There Yet probably have pie, but if you want a flavor other than apple you might be out of luck. For those of you who are in America today, please make sure to appreciate the availability of pie, as well as all of the other:

Foods that are difficult or impossible to get ahold of in Kaohsiung, Taiwan
-brownies
-authentic Western baked goods, in general
-avocados
-baby carrots
-anything resembling actual Mexican food
-sour cream
-cottage cheese (I LOVE COTTAGE CHEESE)
-in fact, real unprocessed cheese of any kind (except in upscale grocery stores)

as well as...
Foods that are theoretically plentiful but usually unsatisfactory
-cake (usually fluffy and flavor-free)
-whole grain bread (it's all the consistency of Wonder Bread...bleh)
-pizza (frequently topped with things like corn and fish, and often drizzled liberally with mayonnaise)
-coffee (usually 3-in-1 coffee, made from little packets of powder. I actually like it well enough, but it does not achieve the same effect as actual coffee)
-sandwiches (the Taiwanese Sandwich is triangular, with 3 pieces of crustless, flavorless white bread, dried pork shreds, processed cheese, egg, cucumber, and maybe ham. Totally ubiquitous, totally undesirable.)
-salad (often involves cabbage instead of lettuce, plus the only widely available salad dressings are Thousand Island and Straight-Up Mayonnaise)

In short, many staples of the American diet are either rare, nonexistent, or generally butchered in execution. Chew on that as you eat your pie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As I rolled into bed at 12:07 last night and the clock told me that it was 3-14, I thought to myself, "tomorrow morning I will send Happy Pi Day emails to my children; they will appreciate them." But now it feels like gloating and I feel like maybe I should go roll out a crust and fill it just to show my appreciation for having an oven in my very own home. However, since Luke is not here to eat it, we might have to celebrate the perfection of round foods by eating chocolate chip cookies. They are not pies, but they are mostly circular. Also, try googling "Microwave brownies in a cup" and the first one looks like something you could try, now that you have located a source of cocoa. Bonus - they would be circular!